So Max has been extraordinarily difficult lately. I've heard that 3 is worse than 2 behaviorally speaking, so I'm thinking that since Max is so advanced, he's creeping into the terrible 3s a bit early. (hahahaha - I have to find a silver lining!)
So I obviously love him unconditionally. And I truly believe that I am not blinded by that love and I can see his imperfections. I am not one of those 'not my kid' parents. I understand while Max is capable of being a sweet, loving, mannerly child, he is equally capable of being a giant jerk. He is typically the former, but when the latter rears its ugly head, it's, well, ugly.
The ugly head has been reared more frequently lately. Just when I thought we were blessed in the tantrum department, he is proving me wrong. How was I supposed to know that it was so important that he open the door for Daddy when he comes home, or that he turn on the faucet even though he can't reach it or that he never ever pick up his toys? I consider myself educated in early childhood development, so I pull out all the stops. I try planned ignoring, changing the subject, laughing it off, zero tolerance, all while maintaining consistent expectations. At least I think I am doing this the best I can.
My frustration now lies in choosing between picking my battles with him and making it clear his behavior will not be tolerated. I obviously don't want to be a tyrant mom. Where's the fun in that? I am all too aware that Max is capable of retaining memories now. I want him to feel lucky to have had a stay at home mom, not oppressed by it. I also want to do what's best for him in the long run, not just the moments we have now. For example, will a piece of Halloween candy first thing in the morning literally give him rotten teeth and diabetes? Probably not. Isolated it's not that big of a deal unless it becomes a habit or recurring behavior. Which is why I don't want to give it to him. But he doesn't like to hear no and he really likes his chocolate. So a tantrum commences. And then I am stuck. Do I "pick my battles" and let him have a small piece of candy, maybe even compromising by giving him a piece of my choosing? This will obviously make him happy, make for a smoother morning, maybe even earn me some cooperation later in the day. But am I setting myself up for failure in the long run by giving him what wants? Does it matter if he gets what he wants before he tantrums or after? Is consistency the better choice, even if it means a consistent fight? The candy is just an example...there are many things we can do battle over: eating on the couch, screaming at me, getting his coat on...the list goes on. I know that it doesn't matter that he doesn't want to wear a coat when it's 30 degrees outside; I will win that battle for his health and safety. But when it's time for his nap and he just doesn't want to clean up his toys, even with my help, how important is it that he listen to me and put everything away? I need for him to respect (eventually) his mom and dad - adults in general - but how much is too much for a 2-1/2 year old, even the brightest?
