Today, I didn't take a nap. I know that may not seem like a feat of any worth, but as I embrace the beginning of my second trimester, I noticed that today I didn't take a nap. I can't remember how I functioned when I was pregnant with Max, working 10 hour shifts with no nap option. It has to be that I was just busy and I crashed when I got home. I remember going to bed VERY early in that first trimester. I also remember not having to be "on" 24-7 because Max didn't yet exist outside of the womb. So if I did want to go to bed at 8pm, Dave was the only one who was affected. However, I also recall distinctly the night I was hanging out with friends at our picnic table outside, enjoying the beautiful early fall weather and suddenly realizing "Holy shit!! It's 10:00 pm and I am still awake!! And I'm ok with it!" I experienced that same feeling today. Holy shit, I didn't take a nap.
Granted, I haven't been fortunate enough to take a nap every day since I got pregnant, trust me. But when baby I am sitting AND Max nap at the same time, chances are good that the dishes sat in the sink while I took a little snooze. And I admit that there have been occasions when I've felt so wiped, that I employed the good old boob tube to occupy Max so I could just feel a little rested. I'm not proud of it and it's not a habit I want to continue, but he loves Yellow Submarine, and I love a catnap. Everyone wins, right?
I am hopeful this is my turn around. During my first pregnancy, it was like a switch. One day I was dead tired, the next I felt back to my old self, able to be awake after dark and still able to get up for work in the morning. If this is the switch for this pregnancy, it would be perfect timing. We are finally seeing sunshine and today I was outside with Max in a t shirt and no sweater. Hopefully the 13.5 week mark coupled with some good old Vitamin D/sunshine will make me feel human again. I like to be lazy once in a while, but I hate to FEEL lazy. Doesn't make much sense to me either. Relaxing is great, but I want it on my terms, not because my body isn't cooperating and my eyes literally can't stay open. I will be positive and think that this is it and then maybe there will be no turning back.
We have to return to the Maternal Fetal Medical Center for the sequential screen my OB recommended. Mostly because I'm old, I think. Not old in a lot of ways, but in baby-making ways, I'm avoiding the dreaded 3-5 by a narrow 2.5 months. Apparently, at 35 your chances for carrying a healthy baby successfully drop tremendously. Or so they scare you into thinking. (I was also offered the chance to have the doc tie my tubes while he's in there getting this baby out. That put me into such a state of shock, I don't think I could even answer him.) We went to the MFMC last week to get this screening done and I had instant regrets for agreeing to it. I (and Dave) talked myself off the ledge by realizing, this is just another photo op for this babe and we don't have to make any decisions today. Well, then babe wouldn't cooperate and face the right way for them to see what they needed to see, so we go back tomorrow. At this point, I'm just annoyed that we have to yet again make arrangements for Max and infant I babysit, plus drive all the way up there (30 minutes without traffic).... I'm not concerned for the safety of my baby. Maybe it's naiveté or ignorance, but I have faith that we have a healthy baby and if we don't, we will handle it together. I'm not that old. I haven't taken the greatest care of myself over the last year or so, that's true. But now I am for this baby and the rest of my family. And I am hopeful that's enough. Hopeful with a tiny bit of nervousness....TINY!! But seeing the baby at this stage, moving around and waving arms and kicking legs is amazing. Seeing those things won't change the health of the baby so I'm just ready to see what he or she is up to!
Remember when I said I had no nap today? I lasted pretty darn long. I'm still up at 10:49pm finishing this, I still have groceries to put away and my whole bedtime ritual. But I'm up and I had no nap. I feel good about trimester 2. Bring it on!
