My Kid is a Jerk

Or shall I say, he CAN be a jerk.  As we all can at times, of course.  It just seems that Max's jerkiness is in concentrated form lately.  And on a related note, I've not blogged in 2 months.  How is that related, you might ask?  Well, it's because my life has been crazy since November until a few weeks ago.  Therefore, Max's life has been crazy.  Therefore, he's a jerk.  I took critical thinking in college, I think that's how it works.
So let's reflect.  Several months ago, we decided I could make my return to theatre by directing the January production for Gaslight.  It was a show near and dear to my heart, so leaving Max almost nightly for several weeks would be made easier.  Plus, I "rationalized" it to myself by telling myself that it's important for Max to see me as a person, not exclusively his mom.  A person who not only is capable of things outside our home, but pursues them.  That while balance is very important, so is variety.  Daddy is not the only one who has evening obligations.  I am passionate about people and projects in addition to my family and home.  I do believe these things are important for Max to see and for me to do so I too can see those things in myself.
However, it was hard.  For so many reasons.  I haven't done any theatre since I was pregnant, and I hadn't directed a show since a year prior to that.  Being out of the game that long definitely brings self-doubt and anxiety about every choice.  So now, I'm "abandoning" Max for a project that I'm not sure will even be good.
Dave's schedule hadn't worked out exactly as I had thought it would, meaning Max was spending a lot of nights with my parents.  Trust me, I am so eternally grateful we have them and that they are so close.  Max loves spending time with them and he brings them such joy.  I trust them to make wise decisions with Max and that he will be well fed and taken care of.  However, there are naturally discrepancies in our child-rearing styles, such as bedtime, activities, TV...  Once in a while, these differences are minor and don't have much impact; they're even seen as a treat for Max by him and us.  However, when Max spends so much time with them and then has to return to the rigorous structure of his actual home, there's naturally going to be dissension in the ranks.  And Max didn't disappoint.
Throw Christmas in the mix, especially when Max is the only (young) grandchild on both Dave's and my sides of the family, and you have the makings for a bratty kid.
Now, it's January 23 and Max's behavior has not only not resolved itself, but seems to have gotten worse.  Bedtime takes an hour at minimum, just from the time we first say good night to when he finally settles quietly.  He is waking in the night and wandering into our room, just to ask us (me) to put him back in his own bed.  He's back to not eating well, replacing it with goofy obnoxious table behavior.  And the mouth...I always knew I would have a mouthy kid to deal with as penance for what I put my mom through.  However, I didn't anticipate dealing with it at almost 3; I thought I'd have until 13 at least!  He yells at me, screams "No!" when asked to do something, is so defiant, and downright bratty.  Where did this boy come from??  I am concerned that this isn't just a phase, or worse, that my lack of patience for this behavior will make it irreparable.
I am so proud of the good things I've taught Max.  He (typically) has good manners, saying May I and Thank You.  He (typically) is so sweet and encouraging, frequently telling people he is playing with Good Job! and Nice Try!  He tells us spontaneously that he loves us and willingly gives hugs and kisses.  He has always been a good listener, following directions and shown appropriate responsibility for his age, if not more.  This turnaround is not only infuriating for the obvious reasons, but because it's such a shift from the well-behaved and admittedly "easy" kid I've had for almost 3 years.
I am researching as much as possible to get various perspectives in dealing with a newly difficult child. I understand the developmental psychology of it all.  He is torn between yearning for independence and the inability to accept it.  He feels all the feelings we do, without the strength to handle them.  And I'm sure it just pisses him off when he has to do anything like clean up, stop playing, wash hands, etc.  But I don't know how to react appropriately without ruining his innate spirit.  Plus, half the time, I feel he doesn't give a crap about his consequences, no matter how cruel I fear they may be.
I guess I'm learning that all those people who were jealous of us when Max slept through the night at 2 weeks, was always so happy and pleasant, was so well behaved in church and pretty much everywhere, always was a good eater....they have the last laugh.  Because just when we thought we were ready to have another baby, Max gives us the ride of his life.

It's the Last Day of the Year

Today is my mom's birthday.  As a favor to us, and because it's the greatest gift we could give her, Max slept over last night and is spending the day with her.  Our motivation behind this is not only to give her something awesome for her birthday, but to clean.  That's right, we're not going to have a romantic NYE date or even spend the day doing something exciting and fun.  We're going to clean the hell out of our house.  (Although typing this up is not the best start; I have to be able to enjoy a little time to myself!)
I've discovered that newborn and infancy stages are far easier than the toddler stages of parenting.  Granted, we were blessed with a very easy-going, happy baby in Max, but still... Now when I am home with Max all day, we play all day long.  It makes me endlessly happy, of course.  I love watching him learn and discover things and sing and "read" and do all the things that he couldn't do even yesterday.  But that little bugger has a lot of energy, and it requires so much to keep up with him.  It's very difficult to multi-task.  When he was an infant, I could make dinner while he lay in his bouncy chair, so happily.  Now the only way to confine him is in his booster seat and then he doesn't understand why the heck he's not eating!  When he was an infant, I could schedule my stuff with his naps.  Even though they were shorter, so was the time between them.  So first nap, clean up kitchen.  Second nap, put away laundry.  Third nap, shower.  If I was efficient enough, I could even sneak in a nap myself.  Now, we have 1 midday nap that is about 2 hours.  Not enough time, Max, not enough time.  Plus, when do I clean his room?  When I put away his laundry, I end up also cleaning up everything he used to occupy himself while I made sure his clothes were hanging neatly in his open closet.
All this has made it necessary for a monthly-ish Saturday with the grandparents so I can mover freely about without feeling like I am neglecting my son, nor am I expecting him to crawl around on a floor covered in dog hair, nor am I frightening him with the dreaded vacuum cleaner, whose noise causes such terror in Max's eyes that I want to throw the darn thing out the door.
So I am off to spend my child free New Year's Eve day with my husband cleaning.  Hopefully starting 2012 in a clean house will make me feel better about the fact that I know it won't stay that way.