Reading my last entry, I realized it's entirely possible that I actually was pregnant and had possible child since then. Fact is: I wasn't with child other than the little boy that was put in my arms March 10, 2010. However, much as happened since then.
In short, I got a job, made friends with my colleagues, saw my husband's inspiring return to Musical Theatre, took Max to his first Sesame Street show, saw him turn 2, began house-hunting, threw a baby shower, lost my job, got it back (those 2 were all in the same day), saw 3 friends have babies, directed a one-act play, finished school (my job), bought a house, became a SAHM, got elected president of Gaslight Theatre Company, took Max to a water park for the first time, moved, went to family reunion (where Max jumped off the diving board into the deep end!), took Max to the beach for the first time, saw Evita in NYC (with Ricky Martin), decided to stay a SAHM, went broke, embraced a cleaning schedule and made 3 types of jam. I've been busy.
I've had a really hard time adjusting to being a SAHM, and this blog would have been really useful in venting some of my crazy feelings during that time. Again, in summary, I was feeling (in no particular order) guilty, giddy, excited, afraid, nervous, guilty again, so happy, so afraid and so so happy. I've worked through most of these feelings, leaving only so happy and a little nervous, both of which are manageable. I've embraced that my new job is keeping our home happy and clean, warm and inviting, full of love and memories. I've accepted that I don't get vacation days, but I am appreciative of my family who affords me a night off once in a while. I've learned that there are so many countless wonderful things that happen between me and Max and that recalling them to others is not nearly as effective and experiencing them first hand. I've become proud of my teaching skills and how I hone them for my tiny class of one person; seeing him learn and knowing I taught him has become so much more concrete. I've become resourceful, knowing that someone who works outside the home might see my situation as completely open and flexible, and that knowing my son, it's not as flexible as you might think. I've come to appreciate a schedule, even imposing one on my own daytime life. I applaud working parents, because even if you really love your job, it is still a sacrifice to walk out that door and leave your child behind every day. I applaud SAHP, because having done it for several months now, it is every bit exhausting as it is fun. There are no mandatory breaks every 4 hours of work, no sick days, no Christmas bonuses, and when Dave works all day and all night, well that's just a whole lot of Max.
And I wouldn't trade those minutes for anything now that I have them.
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